"Lohan fears leak of sex tape, putting on brave front"

A lady of refinement, a lady of grace...

Hmmm… why do I read this and think ‘putting on a brave front’ is actually a dirty, dirty euphemism?

Seems the release on the internet of a 47 second clip featuring LiLo and a mystery fella is imminent.

To read the news story, click here.

Some quick notes for ya Linds:

1. Whilst putting on a brave front about the indignity of a leaked sex-tape, perhaps it’s best not to go to major events in Los Angeles wearing a see-through blouse and no bra (see above).

2. It may also be best during this difficult time not to attend events such as a classy party for Vida, a new luxury sex toy. I’m just saying…

3. It may be difficult to pull off ’shocked and disappointed’ about the release of a leaked sex-tape when it appears you actually have very little feeling left in your face. Why???

4. How ’shocked and disappointed’ can you really be, considering the 47 second clip was recorded by a Waiter.

In a public bathroom.

At a chain restaurant.

If I’m LiLo and I schtup some random dude in the mens room at T.G.I.F’s, I could conceivably be upset that the video leaks to the internet. But shocked?

Try the Chicken Tenders! And Lindsay Lohan's vagina!

I does the math, and methinks this is just another desperate attempt at career revival via carefully orchestrated sex-tape.

Which is fine, I guess. I have no problem with watching celebrities fumble with one another’s junk whilst in a coke-addled haze. But after that chick from Gossip Girl’s ‘footjob’ video… well, the bar has been raised.

Here’s hoping Linday’s prepared to challenge herself and we at least get a Rusty Trombone or an Angry Pirate in this clip.

It’d be her most interesting performance since ‘Mean Girls’ at least…

BPM

[Via http://buttonpushingmonkey.wordpress.com]

Parazzo vs Lindsay Lohan in a Car Accident

While under probation for her DUI arrest, Lindsay Lohan was involved in a hit-and-run accident. The good thing is Lohan was not driving her BMW although she was inside the car during the accident.

Lohan’s car struck a paparazzo while leaving The Hotel Café in Hollywood. Lohan’s driver became a person in interest in an investigation for a criminal assault with a deadly weapon.

However, after watching a footage of the incident (yes, it was caught on tape!), authorities decided that it failed to meet the standards of an assault with deadly weapon. The driver may still be charged for hit-and-run though.

[Via http://hollywoodcrashes.wordpress.com]

Lindsay Lohan: Humanitarian?

Apparently, in an attempt to revive her career, Lindsay Lohan is playing humanitarian. I mean, it totally worked for Angelina Jolie. Oh wait, Angelina Jolie had already won an Oscar and three Golden Globe awards before she filmed her documentary (or MTV special as it’s referred to). And she took Dr. Jeffrey Sachs (Wikipedia him, he’s a big shot) with her just in case nobody believed an actress had the necessary credentials.

This is a short clip from Lindsay Lohan’s new documentary that follows her on her travels through India, where she attempts to shed light on the child-trafficking industry there. With questions and phrases such as:

Didn’t you hear, from other traffickers, that children were abused and… maybe some girls, if they’re like attractive, raped and prostituted and subjected to such horrible things?

Could they not, at least, have written a script for her?

All jokes (and fame-mongering intentions) aside, good for LiLo for actually being part of something like this, I just wish she came across as more serious/involved/knowledgeable/empathetic.

[Via http://guiltyofsomething.wordpress.com]

Lindsay Lohan - Oral Sex & Exposed Breasts

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But why?!

So one of the FEW purse, shopping bag, and syringe holders of Lindsay LOLohan’s was accused of stealing the sketches to her 6126 leggings line.

This IDIOT obviously has not one ounce of talent scheming off the likes of Lindsay Lohan’s attempts at fashion.

Patrick “Pootie” Aufdenkamp is RUMORED to be launching his OWN line next month and is planning on using her designs.

Bi*ch should be HONORED that she has at LEAST one fan of her sh*t.

Anyways, LOLohan’s response to the who-could-care-less debacle:

I should’ve known better. But new year for me and a new beginning! Health, happiness, success and love!”

Seriously though.

The SOLE reason the dude took her sketches was because there weren’t any 20 dollar bills lying around. That sh*t can get SERIOUS.

 

[Via http://jennelala.wordpress.com]

Gratuitous Suited Nudity

“Everybody wants to be somebody,” a wise scholar once said. Clearly, Ruffneck and Yavahn were thinking of our fashion future, which dictates that “everybody wants to show their body,” based on the onset of leggings of pants and bodysuits returning as a possible clothing option.

Nowadays, the most knowledge imparted comes from the likes of Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, and Amber Rose who have initiated and continued the trend of viewing nylon as a suitable covering for one’s lower half (stockings as pants, anyone?). J-Lo wore a brown sparkly bodysuit to ring in 2010, and despite its shine, I couldn’t help but think of this childhood favorite:

Nevertheless, it inspired me to highlight this oldie but (very) goodie, Ruffneck ft. Yavahn “Everybody Be Somebody.” Enjoy:

- Retail DJ

[Via http://retaildj.wordpress.com]

Another year to get it right...

You know after all the sh*t that Lindsay LOLohan has to put up with from her douchey parents, I’m sure the bi*ch just wants to let LOOSE and have a good time.

Considering that her definition of a “good time” is huffing paint thinner, it’s a little QUESTIONABLE.

Nonetheless, Lohan wants YOU to know that she’s heading in a more POSITIVE direction for 2010…

As she posted various bikini pics of her and her older little sister vacay-ing in St. Barths, she also Tweeted:

“To answer everybody’s question…My new years resolution is to stop letting the lucky few that have my heart, try2constantly tear me down.

2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habbits, and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!? “

Yes Lindsay.

We were all losing sleep worrying about what your New Year’s resolutions entail.

Um. Hope she added eating REAL food to her list. B*tch looks like she has Kwashiorkor.

[Via http://jennelala.wordpress.com]

Lindsay starts year quietly

Lindsay in St. Barth’s

Maybe 2010 will be better to Lindsay Lohan than 2009 was.

“Starting my new year off with friends&family, the way it should be….. No boyfriends and the other drama,” she tweeted early Thursday morning.

Later in the day she turned up in a pink bikini and smoking a cigarette aboard a boat in St. Barth, where she is supposed to attend Russell Simmons’ NYE bash.

“Peace and Love Mates,” she tweeted along with this image.

My comment: Has Lindsay become boring?

[Via http://athensboy.wordpress.com]